Camera Shenanigans

By MELISSA RICE

Columnist

I know its old news and all, but cameras these days are crazy right? Half of us don’t care about them anymore while the other half is pissed because they’ve been caught weeks later for things they initially got away with or have been wrongly accused of something because of misconstrued video footage. Guess what Piedmont? Walking around being mildly sketchy isn’t illegal, so chill out and stop trying to get people in trouble. It’s obnoxious and it makes me not love you.  

I think it’s so funny to imagine Drew Davis sitting down with Campus Police and the Res Life staff, popping a couple bags of popcorn, opening a case of soda pop, and looking over weeks of footage to see who is doing wrong. Sure, I doubt that happens, but in case it does, I always like to give them something to look at. So here’s a list of sketchy things you can do in front of our beloved cameras that are totally legal and also totally suspicious. 

Open the main door to your dorm every five minutes and leave a note outside

Dance around with a broom

Stumble around the lobby carrying a Solo cup

Wear a bag over your head whenever you enter a building

Periodically hold up a poster board in front of the camera that says “You didn’t see anything!”

Carry out trash bags full of glass bottles

Walk everywhere backwards

Throw up in trashcans

Drink out of brown bags

Wear a nude morph suit and run up and down the halls

For those of you who are boring and like to play it safe, here are some totally non-sketchy things that not only look legal, they are!

Sign someone in to your dorm during visitation hours and leave a proper form of ID

Put on chap stick

Tie your shoe

Sneeze

Put a bottle in the recycling bin (Wait, we have recycling bins?)

Walk to class

Carry a to-go box

Talk on a cell phone

Whichever path you chose, be it the passive aggressive one or the normal life one, I’ll still be proud of each and every one of you. To the Surveillance footage watching crew, hope you enjoy all our shenanigans.