APRIL FOOLS: Helicopter to Replace Shuttle Van – Followup


Mellichamp’s beloved helicopter making its rounds around the campus. PHOTO//UNSPLASH

Rowan Edmonds, A&E Editor

Last year, Piedmont University upgraded the shuttle to a helicopter, and a year later, we wanted to check-in and see how it was doing! The landing pads are still located on the top of the Swanson Center, the administration parking lot, the parking lot next to Plymouth, and in the middle of the Village. President Mellichamp has gotten his pilot’s license and is the only person able to fly the helicopter around campus.

“I love flying the helicopter around campus,” said Mellichamp. “It’s unfortunate that no one uses it, and it’s super hot because I’m required to wear the Leo the Lion costume every time I fly it, but I still fly all around campus for hours every day.”

By now, Piedmont students are pretty used to seeing the helicopter fly around at dangerously low heights. Accidents regarding the helicopter have been relatively minimal, with only Wallace being utterly destroyed once. No one was that upset about it; it just made plans to tear it down for a bigger parking lot much easier.

“I made the mistake of parking in the administration parking lot when I first started working here last year,” said graphic design professor Joshua McGowan. “My car was destroyed because the helicopter landed on it. Mellichamp was flying at the time, and I’m pretty sure if I had complained, he would have fired me. I just stayed quiet about it and started saving for a new car.”

The missiles placed around campus are still effective. However, they have never shot the helicopter out of the sky, seeing as Mellichamp has been diligent about wearing the Leo the Lion costume every time he flies. However, one of the missiles in the village spontaneously blew up recently after an incident regarding splat guns.

Overall, not many students use the helicopter to get to and from class, it has caused minor damage and a lot of lawsuits, but Mellichamp is having the time of his life flying around. If our president is happy, then so are we.

This story is part of The Roar’s annual, comprehensive April Fools coverage of Piedmont University.