By MELISSA RICE

Columnist

Why is there so much drama in the world? People like to tell me that because I’m a theatre major, I signed up for all the dramatic emotional abuse of feelings in my life. However, to set the record straight, that is not what I signed up for. 

To be perfectly candid, I signed up to spend four years working toward my MFA so I can teach Creative Drama to students between the ages of four and 18 at a non-profit theater for many, many years, and then grow old shaping the minds of young, theater loving youth. 

If you wanted to know, I did not sign up for this crap. So to rebute the nay-sayers who tell me it’s because I’m “in drama” I shall say; there’s drama everywhere so stop making excuses. There’s newspaper staff drama, there’s RA drama, there’s chalk on campus drama, there’s party drama, there’s sports drama, there’s baby mama drama – there is drama everywhere. 

 I’m 21 in real life years but I feel like I’m 400 in drama years. I’m so sick of the behind the back talking and the stupid bickering. 

I feel like I’m Professor Xavier when he’s using Cerebro to see all the humans and mutants in the world, except instead of finding humans and mutants, I’m finding drama and instead of being Professor X, I’m just me and instead of being at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, I’m at Piedmont.  I hate it. Mostly the drama but a little bit the X-men part. I would rather do anything these days than care about drama around every corner. In fact, I would rather:

Eat a live moose
Give myself a
hickey on my wrist
Choke on asparagus
Never drink tequila again

Shoot myself with a nerf gun repeatedly
Eat coleslaw
Sneeze blood
Re-live middle school
Lick the floor of Purcell
Eat a sandwich in the middle of a Pleysier class
Watch toenails grow
Jump into a river of lava

So instead of doing that drama thing you’re doing try to do that other thing you do that doesn’t involve being a terrible person. Maybe talk about music, or how cute puppies are, or alternative medicine, or just don’t even talk at all. Instead, get your stuff together on your own for everyone else’s sanity. Because I really like what dignity I have left and I’d rather not be forced to do any of the stuff on that list. But I would much rather do it all than deal with complaining entitled poopy heads full of anger and spite.