PC’s Wifi, weather connected

By TYLER DALE

In an effort to repair our campus’ Wi-fi without actually tackling the issue, Piedmont’s administration made a deal with God to gain control of the weather. 

Whenever the bandwidth is lacking in the dorms, they merely turn up the temperatures, encouraging Piedmont students to go outside and enjoy the warm weather while it lasts. 

Of course, this mass exodus outdoors significantly reduces the load on Piedmont’s Wi-fi, making the Internet faster and therefore appear repaired. 

But then, once again, this causes cold weather, creating an endless cycle of unpredictable Georgia weather and shoddy Wi-Fi. 

Upon discovering this shocking news, The Navigator contacted God, asking why he would agree to grant Piedmont administration total control over the weather. 

When asked, He responded, “Well, Thor is too busy with his new movie, so I had to give the job to someone.” 

When Piedmont’s administration was asked, they responded, “We hope this will get the students outside of the rooms and exploring our beautiful campus.”

 And maybe they’ll break away from Tumblr and Hulu and find some simpler, less addictive forms of entertainment. That’s what we did for fun before we had Twitter,” said Piedmont’s administration.

So Piedmont students, if you want another Snowpocalypse on the same level as the legendary Snowpocalypse of 2011, there is only one way to do it: stop using Wi-fi. 

No Netflix, no Facebook, no anything. Do that, and our unused bandwidth will force the temperatures down, canceling class and turning Piedmont into a winter wonderland. 

But the second someone decides they want to catch up on “Orange is the New Black,” the weather will skyrocket back up to 60 degrees in typical North Georgia fashion. 

So Piedmont, you decide: Internet or snow. 

The fate of this winter is in your hands. 

I beg you make the right choice. Netflix will still be there over Christmas break.