Today’s list will be a bit different than what you darling readers are used to. Today I have a list of insights on how I write my lists. 

You see, Halloween week has come and gone and in honor of its memory, I was prepared to write an incredibly sassy list about all the things people could have been for Halloween instead of the slutty and sexy versions of normal life occupations that they were, and are, every year. 

Insight 1 – I write lists that are sassy.

Now I was going to do this not because I have a problem with the tried and true sexy nurse costumes and male stripper costumes, but because I saw comedy potential in a list of “better” costume ideas. Costumes such as a couch, a thumb tack, a hair follicle, a boiled egg, a cheese puff, an areola, melted wax, the plague or a hairbrush.

Insight 2 – I write lists that are supposed to be humorous, lists that keep you reading so you’re not bored out of your mind. 

Then, Halloween rolled around and I realized that there is very little I enjoy more than how far this holiday has strayed from its original roots. I love commercialized Halloween. 

I love that I can portray Darth Vader in a mini skirt and dance around like I’m on bath salts and no one (alright, only a few people) will question my behavior because it’s a Halloween dance and it’s college and getting out of your mind is what you’re supposed to do. In my book, if you’re not getting out of your mind on a weekly basis, you’re doing something wrong.

Insight 3 – I write lists that will encourage debauchery.

With that realization in mind I could not bring myself to even pretend I was upset, disappointed, or offended by the costume choices of my fellow students. 

There were people dressed up as crabs. There was a Miley Cyrus complete with a foam finger. I saw cross dressers, super heroes, nerd references, and enough upper thighs, chests and bellies to last me all the way to swimsuit season! And. I. Loved it. 

Insight 4 – I write lists because I love you guys. 

So instead of any of the stuff I had planned before Halloween rolled around I will say, good for you, all you Halloween sluts out there. Bad for you, all you judgers who looked down on people who were scantily costumed. Good for you, all you creative people who scared the poop out of us or blew our minds with your insanely creative costume. Bad for you, all you Halloween haters who suck because you also hate fun. Good for you, all you last minute costume makers who Googled easy costumes ten minutes before and still turned up. Good for all of you. Well, except for those lame people I mentioned. So I guess “good for most of you” would be more accurate.