Fellow guys: let’s open up to one another
Hey, how are you doing, Caden?
“I’m perfect,” I would answer with a smile, while slowly being eaten alive inside by negative thoughts about my self-worth.
Throughout high school, I was perceived as a shy but fun and loving guy who wasn’t bothered by anything or anyone, but what people didn’t know was that I was deeply struggling inside.
Thoughts that I wasn’t good enough.
Thoughts that no one liked me.
Thoughts that I was too lazy and wasn’t making my family and coaches proud.
All these thoughts ran through my head daily. I moved towns often as a child, and since I was already shy, I never had a strong group of friends to share my emotions with. So what I did through high school was I played the tough guy role and kept all those feelings inside. Those false feelings kept building, and I thought of them to be more true every day and on the worst days, they would often lead to suicidal thoughts.
While I never acted on those thoughts, too many men — both young and old — have, as men accounted for a staggering 68.46% of the total American suicides in 2022. Many of these suicides come as a surprise to their families or friends because men don’t often share their problems or their emotions with their family or friends, and they assume everything is all right. Four out of every 10 men believe sharing emotions is the equivalent of showing weakness, making one “less of a man.” That narrative needs to end.
When I finally found a strong group of friends to talk to about my false perceptions about myself, my negative thoughts started to diminish as they told me that none of my thoughts were even close to the truth. Finally, gathering the courage to share all my pent-up anger and doubts about my self-worth led me into what felt like the happiest stretch of my life. I also became more confident and outgoing, and those thoughts slowly went away over time.
This is a call to all men who feel it is weak to share these negative emotions. Whether it’s a trusted family member, a friend, a significant other, or even a counselor, don’t be afraid to open up to them. If they truly care for you, they won’t see you as weak, but they will be forever grateful that you decided to talk to them. And for all men, be there to listen to your friends if they need to share.
Talking or listening to others won’t only make your life happier; it has the power to save lives.
