Buzz spread through the Mass Communications Department earlier this week as “DVC” revealed his actual name during a faculty meeting.

“My name isn’t ‘Dale Van Canfort.’ My name isn’t ‘DVC’ either,” he said. “My name is actually Debussy. Achille-Claude Debussy.”

For those who do not know, Debussy was a famous French composer in the late 1800s who created a new sense of harmony and musical structure that became known for its originality. According to Britannica, he died in 1918 from cancer, or did he?

“When he had told me his real name I thought it was a complete joke or maybe I misheard him for ‘DVC’,” said Dean Nimmo. “So, whenever I addressed him, I just called him ‘DVC’ because I didn’t want to assume that he was a famous French composer. It just didn’t make sense.”

Debussy shared his real name with his colleagues earlier this week along with his backstory. It turns out that he never died. He is actually an immortal being from outer space that came to Earth to specifically play the piano. Conspiracies of him faking his death rose in the 1920s as he was spotted crossing Spain’s border to “go on vacation.” Debussy fled Europe and traveled to the United States looking for work as a professor of some kind because being a composer would have been too obvious. He eventually ended up here at Piedmont University and has been using the Mass Communications Department as a ploy to cover his tracks from the French government. 

“My jaw literally dropped,” said Dr. Joe Dennis. “Debussy literally said ‘Bon Voyage’ after he told us everything, grew his mustache back and flew out of the building. It felt like a weird fever dream.”

Where will Debussy go now that his true identity has been revealed? Will the French and U.S. governments work together to find his current whereabouts? So much was left unsaid. Rumor has it the only thing left in his office was his left sock taped to the wall. So mysterious…

This story is part of The Roar’s annual, comprehensive April Fools coverage of Piedmont University.