The Professor that Sees Red: Dr. Al Pleysier 

BANG! Dr. Pleysier’s hand hit the board again, jolting everyone and making the lights flicker for the fourth time that day. Normally it’s a mix of yelling, spitting and hitting the board, but Dr. Pleysier was extra passionate this morning. It was his favorite topic – communism. Dr. Pleysier had heard the rumors of the Piedmont Panda, they were close – too close. The Panda wanted to become the leader of the school, replacing Mellichamp and keeping all of the cafe food to themself. They began integrating themself with the other professors as well, Dr. Pleysier had to put an end to it. Dr. Pleysier decided to set a trap for the Panda, he could not let Piedmont fall to communism. Now watch this, Dr. Pleysier called his good friend Dr. White to conjure up a blowdart to tranquilize the Panda. They crouched in suspense behind Getman-Babcock Hall, waiting for the Panda to take a midnight snack on the bamboo. The leaves rustled in the distance, spooking Dr. White which made him shoot Dr. Pleysier in the botox. He fell to the ground shaking his fist as his eyes closed and all he could see was red. 

The Scrooge of Piedmont College: Prof. Jeff Bowers

Students all around campus are familiar with the scrooge known as Professor Jeff Bowers. If you speak with any of the Spanish minors you can hear stories about the angry professor. Rumor has it that when he gets mad, you can hear the yells of the Spanish professor down the halls and even in the Swanson Center. This may come as a surprise to many students, but for the students that know him best, we know that Bower’s favorite holiday is the Day of the Dead. The Day of the Dead is an annual event that starts on Oct. 31, and rumor has it Bowers goes and visits his former student, the Piedmont Panda. The Piedmont Panda is known to many as a myth, but for Bowers, the Piedmont Panda was a friend that was so much more. The Panda was Bowers’ favorite student. Bowers was seen in public with the Panda running around campus, doing outdoor events and practicing Spanish every chance they got. After the tragic accident that took the Panda from Piedmont, Bowers was never the happy joyful professor we once knew, but instead turned into the grumpy, angry man we all know too well today.

Scariest Professor: Dr. Hugh Davis

A collective thought runs through the freshman English students’ minds as they huddle further down in their seats, trembling: He’s coming. Young, innocent eyes flit to the doorway as a distinctive gait echoes through Daniel Hall–drawing nearer with each quick footstep. The door swings open with a shrill creak, revealing a tall figure donning a worn satchel and toothy grin. Dr. Hugh Davis makes his way to the podium at the front of the class for the first time in a week–armed with fresh knowledge of the nuances of cannibalism, and eager to impart it to his students. This year’s Annual Cannibalist Conference was held in London, and whispers around campus suggest that Dr. Davis never returns from the conference without bringing back a deadly souvenir for his awaiting students. Legend has it that he brought the Piedmont Panda back from a conference in China, but it was released into the swamp after it fell into a blind rage, which resulted in several students being mauled. Dr. Davis, ever the opportunistic educator, assigned the remaining students to write a five page paper explaining how mauling is symbolic of childbirth.

The Mastermind Behind the Website: Dr. Melissa Tingle

Having hair dark as night with some highlights and the knowledge to take over the world, Dr. Melissa Tingle is the perfect person the Piedmont Panda needs to create their acting website. Using the most advanced technology, Dr. Tingle made a website that was better than the Piedmont Panda had ever laid eyes on. Viewers of the website first encounter big scary eyes looking directly at you as if someone is inside your device. Once those big eyes have your attention, it quickly takes over the device and plays every Piedmont Panda acting scene, keeping the viewer glued to their seat. If a viewer attempts to shut down their device, the website will open up on another device, playing the last video the viewer was watching. After watching every beautiful scene, your device will turn off, the lights will turn off and the spirit of the Piedmont Panda will appear to ask what you thought of their acting skills. If the Piedmont Panda is not satisfied with the answer, get your snacks ready because the scenes are starting over from the beginning. Even though this website is built with advanced technology, it causes Piedmont Wi-Fi to perform poorly. The next time Piedmont College’s Wi-Fi acts crazy, it is because someone is stuck on the Piedmont Panda’s website watching his acting scenes.

The Professor Who Never Gives 100s: Dr. Dale Van Cantfort

“How’s it going folks?” Dr. Dale Van Cantfort poses his favorite question as he walks into his Radio I class.  DVC notices a rather irregular student, the Panda. This Panda is an exchange student who is using his money from being a stunt double in “Kung Fu Panda” to go to college. The Panda was quite the quiet student, but DVC soon realizes that when the Panda gets on air, it has the best radio voice of all time. The Panda even has a better voice than DVC. For every graded radio show, DVC gives the Panda a 100. However, one day, the Panda disappears. Unknown to DVC, the Panda is still on campus, just unable to participate in their radio show every week. The Panda is gone and DVC is lost. He found the perfect student and now they are gone. Since that day, Dr. Dale Van Cantfort has yet to give a grade of 100 to any student that has ever come through his class.

The Department Witch: Dr. Kathy Blandin 

Students in the Swanson Center are familiar with theatre professor Dr. Kathy Blandin. Mass Comm kids know her as the sweet mom figure on the other side, but boy do you not want to cross her. When she gets mad it has been rumored that her characteristic bun starts coming apart all on its own. Curtains start blowing around, and even the ghosts and dark spirits that haunt the Swanson Center start fleeing to the Mass Comm side of the building. Some theatre students have even referred to her as the Department Witch and swear to have seen her drinking potions in her office that she swears are smoothies. Dr. Blandin even befriended the Piedmont Panda after their tragic death during Irma in 2017. She has made it clear to all of the students and faculty involved in the upcoming play “Edge of Peace” that anyone who isn’t off book– or goes over budget, will be replaced by the Piedmont Panda, even if it becomes a one man show. Just the simple fact that she dares utter their name strikes fear into the hearts of many. The next time you see sweet, smiling Dr. Blandin, remember, she has the power to summon The Panda and send the demons scampering.