It’s like drowning standing up… but with no water. Like having a million negative voices in your head all telling you something different. “ You aren’t pretty.” “ You look like a slump.” “You will never make it anywhere.” “No one even likes you.” They are so loud that it could drown out even the most powerful thoughts.

There’s a name for all this. It’s a crappy, disgusting word that no one likes to ever hear from a doctor. “ You have depression.” And in your head you are saying “No shit Sherlock.” “ Are you going to harm yourself or others?” I love this question because I wonder how stupid these people truly are. “If I were do you think I would tell you? Let me give you a hint, HELL NO”. From there on I had felt like my life was going to be one big fat AA meeting, “ Hi my name’s Durden and I am depressed.”

Little did I know it would be much, much worse. People look at you as if you’re going to break every time you breathe; they talk to you like you are from a foreign country and all you really want is to go lay in bed until this “sickness” of what they call “depression” is over.

But unfortunately, that isn’t how it works. Day after day is a struggle in itself. Am I going to cry today? Am I going to eat today because food just makes me want to throw up? Is something going to trigger me into a meltdown? Is someone going to ask me what’s wrong again? Because if I have to explain the way I am feeling to another person, counselor, or friend I am going to absolutely lose it.

Everyone says to “just get over it” to not let certain things get to me. But if it was that simple, don’t you think I would have done that by now? No one gets it unless they’ve been through it themselves. It is like trying to communicate with an elephant, they just don’t understand. I almost feel bad for others because they don’t know how to really deal with me, but my closest family and friends know it’s better do to anything than nothing at all.

But with all of that confusion, sadness, anger and hurt comes a breath of fresh air called Time. Time seems like your worst enemy some days, but time is just what you need in that exact moment. Time heals all wounds that are meant to be healed. It is like seeing a light at the end of the never-ending tunnel, with each day you get better, stronger and happier.

The days where you felt like you couldn’t survive seems like a past life. The nights where you cried yourself to sleep seem like a distant memory. The days of wondering whom you were going to lose next turns into a whom am I going to meet next.

The ending was just the beginning of something crazy and beautiful. The beautiful thing called life. But just because you feel better one day doesn’t mean you will never have bad days. We are human. Things are meant to fall about. It is about picking up all of the parts and building them back together to make something bigger and better.

Each day we must decide if we are going to have a bad or good day. We push for a happy life, the best life, because that’s all everyone truly wants out of life, to be the happiest they can be. Eventually those voices we hear will turn into motivation to push us to be the best version of ourselves.