On April 1, 2024, at approximately 2:47 a.m. Piedmont University announced a new upgrade to the rock wall in the commons.
“I was just rolling by one day, minding my own business, when suddenly I found myself face to face with the rock wall,” said Caden Nelms. “I thought maybe I took a wrong turn, but nope, they’ve really outdone themselves this time.”
The modification seems to have been a series of fortunate mishaps. According to President Criser, it all started with a delivery mix-up of industrial strength Velcro.
“We ordered this Velcro to help keep our climbing holds secure, but what arrived was this super-strength, ‘sticks-to-anything’ type,” said President Criser. “Next thing we know, Caden is sticking to the wall like a human-sized gecko!”
Students describe the spectacle as both awe-inspiring and hilarious, with Caden zipping up the wall with surprising speed, leaving the climbing club members in his dust.
“It was like watching Spider-Man in a wheelchair,” said Dr. Joe Dennis.
Piedmont University has since embraced its new identity as the world’s first unintentionally wheelchair accessible climbing rock wall. Plans are in motion to create special events and training sessions for climbers of all abilities.
“We might have stumbled into something great here,” President Criser said, looking up at the Velcro-lined walls with newfound appreciation. “Who knows, maybe next year we’ll install a bungee jumping platform in the parking lot!”
For now, the commons is welcoming climbers, both seated and standing, to come and experience the stickiest, most inclusive walls in town. Just be sure to bring your sense of adventure and maybe a lint roller for the ride home.
“If you can’t seem to find me on campus, make sure to check the commons,” said Caden. “I may just be stuck at the top of the rock wall waiting for someone to help me down!”
