By GALEN MORRIS
Do you ever wonder why we have to turn in our keys to the school before we go to Christmas break?
It can’t possibly be because the school is deserted at that time, and students left alone in a dorm room all to themselves would just be destructive and irresponsible.That can’t be right. It’s too simple and reasonable.
The real reason has to do with Piedmont College’s habit of overbooking students. If you’ve ever come back to school and had a surprise roommate, you know what I’m talking about.
During the winter season, an inter-universal link is established between Piedmont College and its parallel. I’m talking about the Piedmont College that exists in a parallel universe where our “parallel” selves roam free. They only have school during the major holidays of our universe, so when we leave school, they start school for roughly a month, then wait for next year to do it again.
The next question is how do they get here? Have you ever been in the basement of Daniel Hall? Well if you haven’t, then you need to check out the large vault that’s hidden down there.
Just go to the basement from the stairs closest to Stewart Hall, and it should be on the right side of a hall that dead ends into a fire escape that looks like it’s from the 1920s. That part of the college doesn’t age, ever.
Each holiday that Piedmont College is deserted, the vault is opened and the students and professors from Parallel Piedmont rush in for their month of school.
They live where you live, sleep where you sleep and hang out with the parallel friends your parallel self hangs out with.
It may seem a little creepy, but at least they don’t mess the place up as bad as we do. Maybe when you leave for Christmas break you can leave a note and some cookies telling them thanks for the good job and wish them luck for next year.
Be sure to tell your parallel self to read this same article in their version of “The Navigator.” Maybe it’ll be about normal earth and out weird habits and drastically extended school year.