Blending the Rules at Piedmont College


Contributing Writer

Piedmont students were overjoyed two years ago when we won the fight for coffee pots in the dorms. The administration finally realized that there’s less harm in a percolated beverage than there is in hundreds of poorly caffeinated college students.

However, some appliances are still banned from dorms. Many students, myself especially, would love to be allowed to keep a blender in their room so they can enjoy a refreshing smoothie at their own convenience. Unfortunately, blenders are considered contraband. Please consider the following items allowed, and often times provided by the college, that are more harmful than a simple blender:

Microwaves – Microwaves emit harmful rays if you stand too close to them. Also, if you put aluminum foil in a microwave, it will set on fire. Aluminum foil in a blender will simply result in tiny pieces of aluminum foil.

Mirrors – Being able to see yourself in a mirror could cause physical insecurities. A blender has never encouraged anorexia.

Bed sheets – Students could sneak people into their dorm windows using bed sheets. Blenders will not tamper with visitation hours.

Student IDs – If you lose your student ID, you don’t get to eat in the caf. Losing a blender is sad, but it won’t make you starve.

Refrigerators – If a refrigerator fell on you it could crush and kill you. A blender falling on you will cause a headache and probably confusion about why blenders are falling from the sky, but that’s it.

Hair Straighteners – If you leave a hair straightener plugged in, it could cause painful burns or a fire. A blender left plugged in will only mean you’re more prepared for your next delicious use of your legal blender.

Water – So many dangerous things live in water. Sharks live in water. Sharks kill more people than blenders, and we have water in every building on this campus. You can also drown in one inch of water, and you can’t drown in a blender at all, unless it was a human sized blender but that’s not what we’re talking about here.

Basically, we want blenders. There’s really no reason for them to be banned. It’s silly and we should be allowed to have them in our dorm rooms. You gave us coffee, now please may we have blenders?